One of my friends facebooked me a link to the GLSEN safe space kit for schools. We have something similar here at Ithaca, but it's very different because a) the school has its own LGBT center, and b) half of the school is gay. She meant it as a joke, that we should send our conservative schools the safe space kit and see what they do with it. It amuses me, the thought of the havoc it would cause, an anonymous person mailing them a kit on how to educate the masses about gay/straight equality. And the thought of the uproar if any teacher decided to display the safe space sign? I shudder to think.
But the laughter comes from a darker place, a bitter place. I wish I could send these kits to my old high school. I wish I could say I hadn't been afraid every day. I wish I could say that there was room in that school for an improvement of mentality, of acceptance. But the sad thing is that I don't think there is. Between my own experiences and those of one of my close friends, I realise that while I never experienced any direct violence (just threats and one a bit too coincidental incident of physical harassment), the fear I felt every day did more to hurt me than any other person could.
I'm not blaming anyone for "making me this way." It happened. It's much better now. But what bothers me is that there isn't room for improvement at that school. Because those who are willing to open their minds aren't speaking loudly enough, and those who do speak get shot down.
I wish I could go back in time and stand up and scream. I wish I could have changed things. But the good that has come out of this is that my post-high school experience changed me.
To those of you in the situation I was in, keep fighting. And if you can gather your courage and your voice, scream.
