Chocolate Mousse, French Fries, and Doomed Relationships

We all seem to want the things that are bad for us. I, for one, am in a constant state of wanting chocolate mousse. This is bad for me for many reasons, not the least of which being the fact that I am lactose intolerant and that no amount of lactaid can cure the inevitable stomach ache, etc that is my body's way of telling me "man, that was DUMB." But I digress from gross bodily functions.

I don't know what it is about the things that are terrible for us; maybe it's that they're "forbidden" in a way, and that giving in and letting ourselves supersize it or take the extra bite feels sinful. And that perceived sin only makes those golden potatoes more delicious, despite the fact that our arteries are screaming for mercy. I even get that way with procrastination; on the days when I have more to do than I care to recall, taking that hour to just do absolutely nothing feels better than anything in the world. It's like sitting back to enjoy an entree of french fries and then eating a large bowl of chocolate mousse afterward. It's absolutely divine in how terrible it is.

I'm starting to find that people get this way with other people. And I'm especially guilty.

Right now, I'm in a conundrum. I have mixed and conflicting emotions about several people, but the strongest emotions are for someone I know is doomed to hurt me. But then there's that optimistic side of me that says "but maybe this time will be different. Maybe you'll change her." But I don't believe in changing people--partially because people don't change. And you can't go into something wanting to perfect the other person.

So here I am at the precipice, tapping my toes on the edge and putting the tiniest bit of weight on it, trying to test it out. One would think that I'd look at the situation and think better of it and avoid the inevitable pain. But there's a huge part of me that knows that if I don't jump, I'll always wonder where I'd have landed. Maybe the water below isn't all that murky--or maybe it isn't water at all.

They say, whoever "they" are, that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over, expecting different results. But unlike the doomed battle of Rachel vs. the Chocolate Mousse, I feel like this isn't a sure situation. It's not destined to fail quite yet, and if I'm going to do something, I'm not going to do it half-assed.

So here's to another year of going out with a bang or going up in flames. I raise my glass to finding out which outcome.